10 July 2008

these cards aren't stacked

Yesterday I read a mommy blog. Well, at least it started out as a mommy blog in April but became something more in June. In June this mommy lost her youngest child in a tragic drowning accident. The blog has become her therapy. I couldn't stop reading through my tears because of this woman's amazing journey in such a short (and recent) time.

The past couple of weeks a co-worker/mentor/friend/mommy has been dealing with the struggles of her own child's health. He's been in the hospital for multiple surgeries - so young but so sick. It's been heartbreaking standing by watching while she fights not only this battle with her son but also carries half of our company on her shoulders.

Today we dropped the puppy off for his tumor removal surgery. And although I've seen some perspective from these mommies I couldn't help but shed a few tears for my baby.

I have been on again, off again as to whether or not I actually wanted to have children. Most of my adult life was a no until I got serious with My Heart. I know how much it means to him and I would love to give him that gift. I am more than willing to adopt a child in order to try and make their life better in any way that I can. I'm still not completely convinced however, that I am ok with carrying a baby of my own.

Here's my biggest concern though - am I strong enough? I'm worried sick about a puppy. How much more intense must these feelings be if it's a mini human - not to mention a mini human that you've grown inside your own body!? Am I meant to be a mommy?


Weena said...

I've just been updating myself on your life. I love and miss you so much and wish we were closer!!! Oh how I miss the old days... or should I say the Old C days?!

Whether you decide to carry a child or adopt one, or just be a mommy to the furry kinds of babies, you'll be a fantastic parent. How do I know this? Because you're a fantastic friend. Someone I know I can count on at any time, day or night, and who I know will be there for me. You are someone who I know will understand me and not judge me, even if I'm acting ridiculous! You are like another piece of me. If you can all of thise things and feel that much love for me, someone you aren't really related to, I know you will be able to do that times 10 for a child. And he or she will be so lucky to have you.

:) love you!!

Matilda said...

I believe you will be an amazing mommy whether you grow a baby inside your own body(which is a miracle in itself) or adopt one...

Sending love across the ocean.

Sarah's Fab Day said...

If your only concern is that you're strong enough, I think you would be a wonderful mother. Whether you have your own child or adopt one, it doesn't change the fact that this little, simple, perfect creature will make you want to move mountains if you had to. Those feelings are like nothing else that I can explain, but it sure is wonderful!