18 February 2009

we shall arrive

I wrote that and decided I wouldn't publish it in case I was merely drunk on nostalgia and disappointment. I opened it again yesterday and just stared at it, trying to think of an amendment but it never came to me. So today I just hit publish and now I'm gonna try and focus on where I am now...

You can't go back and things don't ever really change. It's nice to be home in LA today, back in my life. Sometimes you have an ideal of what going back will be like and then the reality hits you hard. I am more than happy in my life just as it is now. I wouldn't change a thing - I know that to get here I had to make those mistakes and have a couple of regrets along the way. I wish I had done things differently so I wouldn't look back and feel such sadness but what's done is done. I have changed and worked hard to find what I need to be happy, to be whole and it is here and with them and especially with him. So, I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. And maybe I wasn't the best I could be to myself then but I am now. And now is what matters.

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