I don't really know what I was expecting from this trip and I'm not sure why it's turned out this way. I don't want to be here. I feel the fear and regret of mistakes made long ago. Things I know are far in the past but I can't shake the pain out of my head. I want to believe that everything happens for a reason and I wouldn't be where I'm at without these things. Problem is, if I had the chance to go back and do it over again I most certainly would change them and then who knows where I'd be.