05 December 2008

super anti whatever

I was lying (laying?) in bed last night, not able to sleep, when I came up with how I was going to break the silence and finally write something new. Sitting at the computer today I'm drawing a blank. I think it had something to do with the pressure of coming back after a hiatus but I'm not sure exactly.

I haven't known what to write about so I haven't forced it. Also, once you're gone so long there is this looming anxiety of coming back. Do you just jump back in it? How? Do you apologize? Why really - isn't blogging more about personal gratification than pleasing others? Sure it's nice to entertain what readers I may have and I do want people to keep coming back for more. In all reality, I am missing this part of me so I figured I should just come back and find it again. So here I am.

On the phone with Mom yesterday I didn't have much to say even though we hadn't talked for a while. I told her I was boring. I no longer want to be boring! It's going to take a little time for that to change so bare with me here. I promise I'll be back sooner rather than later and a lot less boring.


Matilda said...

I don't believe you are boring.
Sending love across the ocean.

the girL said...

I've only recently become boring! ;-)

Daniel Vasey said...

Darling, I totally know how you feel. My introspection has been more intense than usual (if you can imagine that!). I keep thinking, "What the hell am I going to do with the next 40-some-odd years of my life. I've accomplished all of my goals and then some. I'll soon have my precious masters degree. I just have NO IDEA what to do with it all. Aren't we such spoiled brats to be able to sit around and ponder such things. Most people on earth spend their days trying to survive. Survival is what creates meaning for them. I'd say I'm usually trying to survive too, but it's not starvation and lack of proper shelter that threatens my livelihood. It's me!

I wish we could get outside of our brains once in a while. Emmanuel Kant said we have to go completely out of our minds in order to find reality. Makes you wonder...huh.

Anyway, the reason for this post is to let you know that your current manifestation of angst is nothing new. I'm right there with you. Aren't we just thoroughly modern?!