07 November 2008

soup should be eaten with a spoon

I found myself sitting at a table with 10 women last night; 7 were strangers, 1 was a new found friend and 2 were old friends. With these 10 unique and beautiful individuals I shared a meal and I shared a piece of my soul. I didn't open up as much as I wanted but I opened up more than I had anticipated. I was scared and alone admitting to lost wants. I realized there is a separation of self - who I think I am, who others think I am, who I am, who I want to be...

That dinner stirred emotions in me that have been bubbling to the top for some time now. The silly book I'm reading (twilight), the sounds of Sigur Ros on the quiet drive home, the thoughts swirling in my head. What are my needs right now? Why are they not being met? That feeling of falling in love. Is it lost forever? Have I thrown it away? It's been long forgotten and probably will never truly be forgiven. But is it the regret that is holding me back?


Daniel Vasey said...

"Regrets are the past holding you back" - Frederico Fellini

"You only miss what you never had because it's difficult to take responsibility for the fact that you didn't get them because you didn't want them bad enough." - Daniel Vasey

"If you can live in wonder, you will be capable of celebration. Don't live in knowledge, live in wonder.
Life is surprising; everywhere, it is a continuous surprise.
Live it as a surprise, an unpredictable phenomenon: every moment is new.
Just give it a try! You will not lose anything
yet you may gain everything. Look if you are addicted to misery.
You cling to your misery as if it is something very precious.
Look at your own clinging."

"In life we do things. Some we wish we had never done, some we wish we could replay a million times in our heads, but they all make us who we are, and in the end, those experiences shape every detail about us. If we were to reverse any of them, we wouldn't be at the exact place that we are today. So just live. Make mistakes, and have wonderful times but never ever second guess who you are, where you have been, and most importantly, where it is that you're going."
-sex and the city

"maybe our mistakes are what make our fate. without them, what would shape our lives? perhaps if we never veered off course, we wouldn't fall in love, or have babies, or be who we are. after all, seasons change. so do cities. people come into your life and people go. but it's comforting to know the ones you love are always in your heart."
-sex and the city

"I heart Michele." - Daniel Vasey

Matilda said...

maybe you need to eat a whole bag of Red Vines... that met my needs!
Hope you are well.
Sending love across the ocean.

the girL said...

Daniel - once again tears... you are an amazing friend and I am to grateful to have you back in my life. Thank you for taking the time. Thank you for caring. Thank you. I heart you too.

Aunt M - I'm going to go out and get me a package of Red Vines right now... Sending the love right back