this tired heart

A friend once told me that content was the worst way to go through life. I've since gone from believing her to being content. And right now I'm getting a little fed up with content.

My Heart doesn't have a steady gig and so he has all this freedom. The freedom to work from home or to not even work should he feel the desire to lounge around or the need to do yard work. The freedom to take the dogs for a walk and grill up hot dogs on the back deck for lunch. If you can't already tell, I am envious of this freedom. I mean, who wouldn't be?

But I have the 9 to 5 and I have the paycheck coming in week after week and I have the responsibility of making sure the mortgage is paid. Or do I? I put it on myself, I know I do. I also add to my list of duties, the need to make it all alright. As irrational as I want to be (and as I am in my head), I tell everyone else that it's going to be just fine in the end.

And so I'm tired. I can't fix it all. I can't ease everyone's minds. I can't balance the weight of the world on these shoulders. I just need a break. PLEASE!? I guess that's why today I picked up this old blog. So it would be my fix, my ease and something to carry me.

Also, to fight the contentment I think I need to try and focus on things that make me happy. Being creative has always been something I wished I was but you know what? I can take a damn good picture if I know how to use the camera. So I'm gonna learn how to use my camera. And I can write a damn good paragraph if I just sit down and do it. So I'm gonna pick this blogging thing back up and try to do it more regularly, more personally. Maybe...