the pieces

One picture puzzle piece
Lyin' on the sidewalk,
One picture puzzle piece
Soakin' in the rain.
It might be a button of blue
On the coat of the woman
Who lived in a shoe.
It might be a magical bean,
Or a fold in the red
Velvet robe of a queen.
It might be the one little bite
Of the apple her stepmother
Gave to Snow White.
It might be the veil of a bride
Or a bottle with some evil genie inside.
It might be a small tuft of hair
On the big bouncy belly
Of Bobo the Bear.
It might be a bit of the cloak
Of the Witch of the West
As she melted to smoke.
It might be a shadowy trace
Of a tear that runs down an angel's face.
Nothing has more possibilities
Than one old wet picture puzzle piece.

Shel Silverstein
Picture Puzzle Piece

with my little eye

Sometimes I get caught up in my head. Trapped really. I've gotten better at controlling (or ignoring?) it over the past couple of years and it's not as hard as it used to be. But every once in a while there will be a trigger that puts me back into this place. It's actually comforting in a way - I know it's me, it's something familiar even if it can feel like torture. Maybe that's why I'm here... I've done this in order to feel like this again. I was missing it? Is it inevitable? Nothing is perfect.

schnitzel with noodles

This year, as in years past, most of our Christmas shopping will be done online. It's just easier when my family is in Colorado and his is in Chicago. Even though we go to one place or the other for the holiday, checking bags sucks so the less we take with us the better.
Now my dilemma - what to get for people!? I hate this. What do you get the person who has everything? How do you surprise someone when you have to ask them what they want? How do you make the gifts meaningful yet not seem cheap? I know it's the thought that counts but I've been thinking enough the past week to be set for about 10 years to come and yet I still have nothing. I love the idea of donating in people's names to organizations like Heifer International but not everyone appreciates that. Oh, some say they don't care but if it were the perfect gift then they would care! AAHHH, the perfect gift does NOT exist! I should have started this in August like the good obsessive compulsive I am...

fleeing the country

i love cats beat MC Hammerpants. Yup, that's right - the undefeated, unbeatable, reigning champion has been brought down by the girl who loves kitties.
I play in a fantasy football league with 13 other people (10 of them being guys). Last night was the last game of the regular season for us. My final opponent being the one and only Hammerpants. Nobody has been able to beat this guy. My Heart came the closest last week when he lost by one point. That is until i love cats finally brought the Pants down!
Now we start the playoffs and My Heart and I are playing each other in round 1. As much as I would love to win, he has a better chance of going all the way. I don't mind going out on this one sweet victory. Eat my kitty litter Hammerpants. WHOO! HOO!

29 months later

Today is the first day I am alone at my new job. I mean, there are other people here just not anyone who does what I do. There is not much going on so I am not worried. Even if there was a lot going on, I've done this before and I'm good at doing this so I would still not be worried. I am a bit lonely though.
I asked My Heart to join me for lunch but unfortunately he was busy today. So I walked my lonely self up the street for some me on me time. I had a quick bite and then went to the book store where I bought a book and a coffee and spent most my lunch break consumed by this new adventure. As I walked back to the office, I realized that this is home now and I've never felt more comfortable going to work.
Everyone keeps asking me when I'm going to move into the real office, the one that was previously occupied by the other me. I don't feel right swooping in and taking over that office so soon. Yes, she was freelance and I am now permanent. Yes, it is a better chair and more private... but still. I've made the space I'm in my own. I'm comfortable being here. I don't need to be sitting in there to prove my place at this company. Eventually, but not today.

dog gone days of summer

Apparently my biggest (and only) fan missed me over the Thanksgiving break. I just wanted to say I'm sorry for the hiatus but don't worry, I haven't given up on this blogging thing just yet! Thanks for hanging in there and checking back for a new and exciting post!
By the way, the long weekend trip back home was great. We really spent some quality time with the family (although I did forget to take photos of the amazing spread my sisters and I put together) and My Heart and I got to enjoy a little piece of Colorado all to ourselves. One of the best trips yet.
We've got 2 more lined up before the year is over; a special getaway for 2 to San Fran and then a 9 day Chicago extravaganza. I can't wait.
So to all you fan (trust me, there is only 1) - don't get too sad when this girL is away for a while next month. She's a blogoholic and she'll be back!

something pretty

Tonight is ladies night. Only the girls. Having a good time. With no boys we know. Doing something random, maybe drawn from a hat.
We started ladies night a few months ago with the intentions of getting together once a month to reconnect with eachother. So far so good (minus a few small things).
Tonight is shopping with a twist - that means alcohol (seems as though one requirement of ladies night is alcohol - which might be one of the small things previously mentioned).
I'm also introducing a new lady to the group tonight. She's one of my favorite but she's always working. Should be fun.
Oh, we're going to the VIP Shopping Party for opening night of Divine Design. It benefits the non-profit I used to work for, Project Angel Food. Check it out...
www.divinedesign.org

lady of the lake

So I apologize for being upset with my writer/striker friends yesterday.
Apparently, they all banded together and had this amazing rally in Hollywood. Needless to say, they were not starting their holiday early but in fact, they were kind of working even harder than your average striker. I'm so proud of them! I only wish I knew it was happening so that I could have shown my support. I could have walked Hollywood Boulevard yelling out, "HONK, HONK!" Then they would be able to put a face with my honk and know how much I actually do care. Maybe I could even have had a t-shirt that said "HONK, HONK" on it. Man, I really love those guys.
Although... again today they weren't at their usual corners in front of the studios I pass on my way to work. Let's just hope there's another rally somewhere.

Photo taken from the office of My Heart with his new iPhone!

isn't heck a great word? so under appreciated

Every morning on my way to work I pass 2 studios. As we are in the second week of the writer's striker here in Los Angeles, there are always writers outside these studios. They have signs, many of them asking passers by to honk in suppport. Every morning on my way to work I pass 2 studios with writers picketing outside holding signs and I honk in support. This is one of my greatest joys.
Yesterday I was a little bit hurt because my honk while passing the first studio was not recognized by the writers - don't they know I'm supporting them!? Jerks. Don't they know that my honking in support is one my greatest joys? Luckily for me the day was not ruined, the next set of writers were as excited and appreciative as ever for my honk of support. What a good day.
Doesn't look like today is going to quite match up. THERE WERE NO WRITERS OUT TODAY!!! Do they think they can just start their holiday early!? What about the rest of us? We rely on them! What a sad, sad day. I miss my writers. HONK! HONK!

you're from the future

sometimes i like to read my own blog.
is that weird?

and so I am not

I'm not going to lie. I. am. super. sensitive. I've been told I feel too much. I think it's a good thing. Others may not agree.
I have always been a little too motherly with my sisters. Whether we are getting along or not I just want to protect them.
I think I carry that feeling out into the world with me most days. I want to take care of people. I want them not to hurt. I know we are oftentimes unkind to one another. I want to be something kind for others to hold on to. When I can't be - I hurt.
Because of this I have an inner struggle going on right now. I am happy. Someone I know and love is not. And what's worse, there is no way for me to fix it or to really even help it.
Why do I have what I have when others are living with the pain of losing their everything?

the other left foot

A couple of years ago, My Heart and I adopted a family for Christmas. It was the most rewarding gift we could have gotten each other. We also got our co-workers involved - the family needed bunk beds for the children so we got everyone to pitch in for new beds. The best part was showing up at their house to deliver this much needed gift. The children were sweet and innocent as they should be and the mother was just... trying. I think everyone should try. Get involved in the community - you'll see there's all sorts of help needed in different ways. If you can't get into it any other time, do it at least during the holidays.
http://www.beyondshelter.org/

kids for kids

For some reason I love goats. But I kind of hate horses.
I like most animals; bears, elephants, cats, dogs, rats... you get my point.
And if you call them shmorses I like them a little more but really I don't care for horses. It's probably because girls are supposed to be totally horse crazy. I tend not to be your average girl. Sorry horses.

as made famous by

After 3 incarnations and I don't know how many years, I have finally given in and started playing Guitar Hero.
This week My Heart and I beat the game in co-op mode... on easy.
Now I'm addicted.
Last night I started playing on medium.
I totally think I'm a rock star.
I know I'm a dork.

sunny and clear

Yesterday, just as I was telling My Heart how thankful I am for how good life has become, his car went kaput. We don't yet know the diagnosis but it could be bad. Yet, I'm happy and he's happy and life is happy. That's enough to make old me want to die and I'm still happy.
We also went shopping yesterday. Sometimes that makes me happy and sometimes it makes me cry. I didn't try anything on. I came home and it all fit - mostly. I'm happy!
Today I've started to teach myself how to knit. It's hard but I'm trying after almost a year of not trying. I've got the casting thing down but I just can't figure out the next step. But it doesn't matter because I'm happy.
Now I'm going to start on the laundry and hopefully get it all done. Maybe I'll even clean out my closet to make room for the new stuff. It's amazing how good happy can be.

lapping up the milk

Thanksgiving is coming up in case you haven't noticed.
I'm going home to visit the fam for the long weekend.
One of my sister's and I will cook the meal this year. It's the first time we've ever done it that way.
Mom will cook the old gobbler at her house and bring it over since Sister and her Heart are vegetarian. We didn't want to compromise those beliefs by throwing a decapitated bird in their oven to roast until edible. But we'll still eat the hell out of it in front of them.
Now I've got to come up with some suggestions for the rest of the meal.
When do you go with family tradition and when do you start your own traditions?

on the road

Ever since we all went to see the movie Into The Wild I've had the feeling that I need to read more (it's an amazing movie by the way). I used to read all the time and now I feel like all I do is watch TV - gotta love that Kid Nation. I was thinking that the last thing I read was Joan Didion's The Year of Magical Thinking (quick read and quite the tear jerker) but then remembered that the last Harry Potter book (also a quick read and even more of a tear jerker) came out after I read that. I don't really count Harry Potter though. And I don't know why - maybe because even non-readers read Harry Potter.
I started reading A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers about two years ago and have still not gotten through it. I think that has been a big part of my reading block. I feel like I have to finish that book before I can move on to the many others calling my name from that dusty, cat hair filled staircase. I have stacks of books just waiting for me. It's not like Staggering Genius is so bad either. Maybe I should set another goal...
GOAL #2 – Finish reading A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius and one other book by the end of the year.
(By the way, Goal #1 is still in progress. That night I did an outstanding job in cleaning up & cleaning out the bathroom if I do say so myself. I have also tackled the fridge and the cupboards.)

mother hen

I love kitties. I got my first cat at some point early on in elementary school after begging my parents for days. I loved him so much I put him in dresses.
Now I have 2 kitties. Mustard's mom was a stray who had a litter of kittens by a friend's apartment in college. He was one of the last kittens left so he came home in my pocket one day and we've been together ever since. He's gone lots of places with me and is now a mama's boy because of it. Krunchy was My Heart's decision - he wanted a mini cat. The only thing I did insist on when going to the pound to look for a mini cat was that she be black and we name her Joe. Luckily when the little paw reached out from it's cage to pull My Heart in, it was black. Apparently that was good enough; we've been hooked ever since.
While Mustard is the sweet (sometimes too sweet) and snuggly love kitten who can never be close enough to his mom & dad, Krunchy is the cute, can get away with murder and still be loved to death kitten.
Mustard doesn't really do much with his time (he used to answer the phone). Krunchy however, plays fetch, plays chase the bug, plays in the blinds, plays stay away from mom & dad, plays let me cry until someone gets the feather toy down, plays no one can sleep when I'm not sleeping, plays time to eat anything inedible, plays I love botatoes, plays cave in the blankets, plays tackle Mustard... I think you get the point.


Funny how much I love these cats.

let the festivities commence

I'm making home-made granola. It's currently baking in the oven. It fills the house with an inviting aroma of fall. It makes it feel like home even if we are in Southern California.

fall back

When I was 18 or 19 I got a piercing. It came about randomly. I had joined some friends on a jaunt to the local tattoo & piercing parlor one evening in college. They were getting their belly buttons done in celebration of turning another year older - I guess it was the thing to do at the time. I opted for something a little less conventional. It's not that I had always wanted to get pierced it was just something to do.
Jump to 10 or 11 years later and I still have it. It's a part of me I guess. I used to take it out when I wanted people to take me seriously but I've long given up on that. I did however take it out during this recent illness. Now it's been nearly a week and I haven't put the old girl back in. I'm trying to figure out if I should. My Heart says it's sexy. My dad says it's the most disgusting thing he's ever seen. Most people who know me don't even notice it anymore. Do I miss her? Have I outgrown her? When is enough... enough? When is it just who we are?

down to the knitty gritty

It’s been almost a year since I left my job, no actually, my career behind for a fresh start.
Looking to explore my creative side, to be free from the confines of the day-to-day grind, I vowed to take at least 6 months to myself. Something I had never really experienced working steadily since I was 15.
Those dreams of voice over classes, days filled with knitting, photography and tai chi never realized because instead I was too busy taking care of dogs and sick people. I can’t seem to slow down.
Now I’m back, back in my old finishing shoes… but should I be?
I vowed to keep perspective on life and make time for things I enjoy that I may have been neglecting in the past. But one month later and I feel like I’m in that same rut as before – life is too busy for the little things when you’ve got a 9 to 5 and when I say 9 to 5 I mean 9 to at least 7 or whenever the work is actually done which can often go late into the night.
I do love that I am respected in my profession for the way I do the job that I do. I do love that I am good at something that not everyone can be good at. And I do love seeing that paycheck every week.
Maybe My Heart is right, we just need to set some goals to help us get back on track.
So…
GOAL #1 – Clean our home so that it feels like home again and have a healthy, fresh start (I know, responsible and boring of me but it's in my genes - blame my mother).

the horror, the horror

It hit. Oh boy, did it hit. This is one of the top 3 sicknesses EVER in my life. That's all you really want to know about it - trust me. Now back to bed I go.

a step in the right direction

I don't want to leave my new blog stagnant for too long. This morning I started to write a new entry. An entry about being sick. It sucked. I deleted it.
Now I'm back and I'm going to write about being sick and I don't care if it sucks.
Here it goes...
For weeks I could feel the onset of a cold waiting to bust in and interrupt my life. Last night I finally thought it had done so but now I can't tell. I kind of feel sick but I also feel like going to my friend's blue themed 30th birthday party. That area of limbo where you know you should just rest so it doesn't get worse. That area where you don't feel bad enough to miss out on a blue party. Ugh, the dilemma. To throw another banana in the monkey cage, My Heart is sick - REALLY sick. So he's not going to the blue party. Yet another reason to stay home. Why does this color have such a hold on me?
I'm sure my next post will tell you all about the blue party and maybe even the Halloween party we're supposed to go to tomorrow night...

and so it begins...

Ok, this sounds stupid just thinking it and will be even stupider once I actually write it... I have butterflies right now. From writing a blog. I've thought about writing a blog of my own but figured I wasn't the type. Putting yourself out there for anyone to see, to judge? No thank you, I'd rather keep to myself - I'd rather be safe.
Lately, I've been consumed by other's blogs. Family, friends, even a stranger… especially a stranger. Everyday clicking through those bookmarks to see what's new. Thrilled to soak in the simple details of people living life. Oftentimes going back to re-read - to experience that feeling again. Disappointed when there is nothing but sure if I check back later there will be a fix.
I figured the next step in my addiction would be to try it for myself. So here I am. Not quite sure what to do now that I'm here. Maybe I'll think of something? Maybe I'll drop the idea all together and go back to the silent participation? Besides, who is going to even read this? I guess that's where the butterflies come in. Scared that it will be actual people, terrified that it will be only cats.