today or just lately

I am feeling uninspired.

the cookie on my desk

Today I created a group on facebook to reconnect old co-workers. Should be interesting...

Yesterday I went with a friend to a show as a good friend should. It was very interesting...

Tomorrow I need to go shopping for the ingredients for my Thanksgiving dishes. I'm so not interested...

belle époque

Party Time by theblogoholicgirl

(Is it wrong to want to look this good at the company holiday party!?)

don't cry for me argentina

Had dinner at Pink Taco last night with team 5k and tacos. Friend K hobbled in with her newly found broken foot. I assumed it was from playing on her coed kickball team but I would be wrong. It reminded me of a post I was going to do a while ago about some of my most fondly looked back on but all too embarrassing moments. In no particular order...

1. In 1st grade (I think) we were playing kickball in gym. I was up and I tried to kick that damn ball so hard I missed it completely and ended up flat on my back, wind completely knocked out of me. My tears probably didn't help settle the laughter.
2. In 7th grade I used to do the really high bangs thing. I would tease and spray and curl until they were standing straight up by at least 2 inches with a sweet little half of them curled under. Well, my curling iron and aqua net combo ended in tragedy when the curling iron was trapped by the sticky spray in the web of my hair and in trying to wrestle it out I burned myself. I burned my forehead so badly the warning from the barrel of that curling iron was burned into my skin for all of IJH to laugh at.
3. In 8th grade I tripped down the stairs at a big sports stadium (used usually by a couple of high schools) one night while attending a track event I think. I fell face first and skid down a couple of stairs all while my boyfriend laughed on.
4. In 3rd grade I peed my pants in the classroom. We were all standing behind our desks waiting to be dismissed. I had my hand raised so urgently in the air but Mr. D would have none of that... that was until I peed. I have no idea if anyone laughed because I ran out of there so fast and locked myself in the bathroom until my Mom came to get me.
   

I think this calls for sharing. Bueller? Bueller? Somebody share something embarrassing so I'm not the only one for christ's sake!

losing lisa

I went to the Ben Folds show on Friday night and it reminded me of this story.

Years ago the little blue bird moved to a new pond. She felt scared and alone at this new pond but was excited to be out of the nest and on her own. One day a kind frog emerged from the pond curious as to what the little blue bird was all about. The bird opened her wings and flew this way and that hoping he would understand her. When he didn't she followed him into the water. Silly little blue bird had no idea she wasn't meant for that water. It started to pinch the air from her lungs until she was so scared she had to leave her kind frog and come up for some air. Her new friend worried about the little blue bird and followed her to the surface but she was lost in the trees. So the kind frog jumped to and fro for days waiting for the little blue bird to come back in hopes that she would understand him. Every now and again he thought he glimpsed her through the leaves and limbs but he couldn't quite jump high enough to reach her. They were both sad and alone. But even with heartbreak the story ends well because after years of trying that little blue bird and the kind frog when back to where they first met and shared a smile on the shoreline of their pond. It's as simple as that.


The lights are off again
She took me by surprise
She's so sensitive
This shit just happens sometimes
She's my everything
She's my best friend and more
We don't do anything
We didn't do the day
Before you go
You oughta know
That I didn't mean to hurt you, I just wanted you to know
Black tears are falling down her face
And I am wrong
Black tears are falling and she won't say what I've done
She's sitting here beside me, then she is gone
Black tears are falling, falling

Remember long ago
Together laughing, loving
Oh so long ago
When we were buying something
Life was simple then
But she's not happy now, and I
Don't feel anything
Her lips are moving
I am mesmerised
By tiny lies
I'm watching as the shapes are drawing slowly from her eyes

Black tears are falling down her face
And I am wrong
Black tears are falling and she won't say what I've done
She's sitting here beside me, then she is gone
Black tears are falling, falling
Black tears are falling, falling

Losing Lisa
Losing Lisa
Losing Lisa
And there's nothing I can do

Black tears are falling, falling
Black tears are falling, falling
Black tears are falling, falling
Black tears are falling, falling

let their faces shine

I want to apologize. I'm living in a bubble of self and being oblivious to the pain of others. I didn't mean to be such an insensitive jerk and I am so very sorry.
The U.S. is going through some tough times and the citizens of this great country are suffering immensely. The economic crisis is truly that - a crisis. Real and innocent people are losing their jobs, their homes, their sense of purpose and self.
It took an amazing woman posting a raw and honest depiction of reality for me to get my head out of the clouds. I don't know her outside of this blog world but I'm sure I know someone like her. Someone like my mother or my sister or my best friend who has done nothing but good and hard work their entire lives. But is still losing it all.
I wasn't thinking about what's really happening out there because like I said - I'm living in a bubble. I'm in an unusually comfortable spot and it really isn't fair. People who have done nothing to deserve the despare are suffering. So I am going to take a moment every day to be thankful for something I have that I'm taking for granted. Today I am thankful for the hope that our new P.E. Obama is bringing us all.

hint hint santa claus

I heart jewelery. What girl doesn't? Actually, this is new for me. I only started wearing bolder pieces about a year ago when I started my new job and decided that I could have an all new style persona here without judgment. So I went from converse to heels and diamond studs in my ears to bold stones around my neck. It's fun. I wouldn't mind getting something new from someone I loved either - wink, wink.

I know this is a bit out of anyone's price range but I love all things John Hardy, especially this necklace.

This necklace by Maison Martin Margiela is slightly more of a realistic hope (and there's a matching ring to it). I think it's such a cute design.

Right now I'm also really in love with this new chocolate diamond trend introduced by Le Vian. Some of my favorites are this cuff, pendant and ring.

One of the first things I bought myself when I started receiving a grown up paycheck was the circle Atlas pendant from the Tiffany's collection. I'm not a huge Tiffany's girl but I do love the Atlas designs. My Heart added to my collection one of the rings shortly after we started dating. I'd love one of the cube pieces to be the next addition. Particularly these little stud earrings.

But the piece I've been coveting the most for the past 5 years or so will probably never be mine... oh, how I adore it. The Tiffany's Spider Web Cuff.

(Isn't it amazing?)

follow the yellow brick road

My First Couple of Weeks in LA:

1. I was stopped at a red light when a women pulled up next to me and asked me for directions to Sepulveda. I had no idea what she was talking about. All I knew was that I was on Santa Monica and if I kept going West I would eventually get to the ocean. Wonder if she realized I had Colorado plates.
2. I held a door open at a lame chain restaurant for Kobe Bryant. He did not look down at me and he did not say anything to me. I thought it was rather rude of him and I've never forgiven him for it.

Today in LA:

1. I held the door open for 2 girls coming out of a trendy restaurant and they both thanked me. The second one even added, "so sweet." Manners are not dead.
2. Walking down the street a women parked her truck at a meter in front of me and got out to ask me directions. I knew exactly where she wanted to go and exactly how to get there. She was very grateful.

smooth granite heart

I saw this quote today and thought it was lovely so I'm sharing it.

"Every luxury must be paid for, and everything is a luxury, starting with the world."

- Cesare Pavese

Some of my luxuries:

• My freedom to live how I want to live
  
• My happiness
• My financial stability at the current time
• My family and friends (sometimes one in the same)
• My life

I'm grateful to be where I'm at right now. Sometimes it's a struggle but that's the price of life. In the end I think it makes everything worth it. I'm happy because I'm living out certain dreams I had for myself. I've moved somewhere I wanted to be to do something I wanted to do and it's been immensely rewarding mentally, financially, emotionally... personally. I've grown closer to my family in ways because of the distance. I've also accepted true friendships into my life - embracing them actually and nurturing them instead of the destruction I used to cause. I want the best for others even with my selfish nature over shadowing that sometimes. I need to remember that there is always a price to pay. I am not entitled anything. No one is. Hard work. Love. Determination. Peace.

once again it's infinite

Yesterday I walked past Friend C's new office and gasped at the beauty of the sunset sky out her window. That was after Friend J sent me Ho'oponopono and helped push the clouds a little further away.

Thank you.

I love you.

go to your room

Wow, I guess I opened up a can of worms yesterday. I'm sure it's no big deal and who knows if she's even right but here's some more info (guess it helps me deal anyway)...


I WARN YOU ALL NOW - THIS IS GOING TO GET IMMENSELY PERSONAL AND POSSIBLY EMBARRASSING SO IF YOU DON'T THINK YOU CAN HANDLE IT THEN STOP READING NOW!

ANSWERS:

Aunt M, I think it will help my body get back on a normal cycle.

Friend D, Yes, I might have multiple cysts on my ovaries which may make it difficult for me to have children in the future but is not life threatening in ANY way. I ate the carbs because I am self destructive.

Read on for more info...

During the months of July and August I bled for about four weeks. It would stop and then it would start right up again. I thought it was vacation. The stress of traveling. Turning 30. When we got home I ended up going off my birth control pill. It was only because the prescription ran out and I hadn't yet found a new doctor I was comfortable enough to go to. So when November rolled around and I still hadn't found a new doctor and I still hadn't been on the pill I realized that I also hadn't had my period in about 3 months. Now, I know what you're thinking but trust me I knew, there was no chance in hell that I was pregnant. I called a doctor's office I hadn't been to in 2 years and scheduled an appointment with some new lady. I figured it was worth a try.
She did the usual exam and also talked about the lack of period, the previous ultrasounds I had to have when the pain was unbearable, my hair growth (stupid mustache), the acne I've started to get (I know my skin looks perfect but I can feel them - and it's not paranoia) and the fact that I can't seem to lose the weight. All of these could be symptoms of PCOS which is not only cysts on your ovaries but also a hormonal imbalance. Part of that imbalance means not being able to properly digest carbohydrates. So along with referring me to another doctor for some additional tests she suggested I go off the carbs for 3 to 4 weeks to see how my body would react.
My mind reacted with a panic and sudden NEED for carbs. I figured the sandwich and mac & cheese was my last hurrah. I've had some bread and fruit here and there but I'm trying to be conscious of it. I happen to meet a new friend the day this all went down and she has PCOS. She said it's all about balance. Isn't everything?
Thing is - I don't really think I have this. But it would be nice to have some answers. Or would it be nice to have an excuse?

no one's gonna love you like i do

One of my doctors thinks I might have PCOS. She wants me to try and cut out carbs for the next 3 to 4 weeks. I immediately went out and had a sandwich with a side of pasta after she told me this. It could be my only hope but REALLY!?

soup should be eaten with a spoon

I found myself sitting at a table with 10 women last night; 7 were strangers, 1 was a new found friend and 2 were old friends. With these 10 unique and beautiful individuals I shared a meal and I shared a piece of my soul. I didn't open up as much as I wanted but I opened up more than I had anticipated. I was scared and alone admitting to lost wants. I realized there is a separation of self - who I think I am, who others think I am, who I am, who I want to be...

That dinner stirred emotions in me that have been bubbling to the top for some time now. The silly book I'm reading (twilight), the sounds of Sigur Ros on the quiet drive home, the thoughts swirling in my head. What are my needs right now? Why are they not being met? That feeling of falling in love. Is it lost forever? Have I thrown it away? It's been long forgotten and probably will never truly be forgiven. But is it the regret that is holding me back?

to help in a mind boggle

This is the new addiction at the office - apparently it helps to pass the time when it's slow and it's crazy!

The Impossible Quiz

did i tell you what she told me

PHEW! I have been slaving away at dinner ALL day - only 3 more hours to go!
Ok, really I bought a pre-seasoned pot roast from Trader Joes (cabernet pot roast) added some potatoes, carrots and onions to the crock-pot and let it go. I can't wait to get home tonight with the crisp fall air outside and the warm scent of slow cooking inside. I hope it turns out like this...

fearing that they will say yes

I hope you all vote today. Some places around town and around the country are giving away goods free to voters who show their sticker. Turns out there's controversy surrounding this because it's not exactly legal to reward someone for voting. I say go enjoy it anyway.

• Krispy Kreme is giving away a red, white and blue star doughnut.
• Ben and Jerry's is giving away a scoop of ice cream.
• Starbucks is giving away a tall coffee.

worm-like snail with no shell

Two things from this weekend...

SAD:
This girl dressed as Cindy McCain at the Halloween party on Friday night organized ordering pizza. This was around midnight when everyone was sufficiently drunk and hungry. She went around asking those who wanted in on this treat for a dollar towards the cost. I ran to the car to get my last $3 - one for me, one for My Heart and one for Friend R (who's pregnant I might add!). Cut to about 45 minutes later when I start getting antsy and wondering where the pizza is. Turns out it had arrived and was all gone. Stupid Cindy McCain only ordered 3 TINY pizzas for the ENTIRE party! I was pissed. People who don't know how to organize things shouldn't be put in charge of the pizza ordering.

HAPPY:
I spent yesterday shopping. I had a couple of returns at H&M so I decided to see if I could spend that money else where. When I got home My Heart and I continued the day of shopping at the grocery store. We went to Trader Joes as usual but decided to pick up a couple of additional items at the Ralphs across the street. This used to be a routine but we've since stopped going to Ralphs as often so it's been a while since I've been over there. They had this sign out front that said Grand Opening which confused me because they never closed. Well, walking in was grand indeed. The Ralphs had been remodeled so beautifully I couldn't get enough. It's very gourmet feeling now and I love it! Who knew I could get so excited over a grocery store's look? The only bad part was getting blood on my hands when handling the meat - blagh!